As I Was Taught.

It’s never an easy question, although it is a reoccurring one.

 “Momma, who’s your mommy?”

I thought I had more time before the consciousness of disparity, to sort out some truths bound to my estranged mother.

But, here we are with my 4 year old and some hard-hitting questions.

A million things crossed my mind, as I tried not to face the question. 

She didn’t want us.

She left us behind.

She broke me-

and never came back.

But, that’s not what I say. 

Instead, I teach her about safety in priorities, and that it’s ok to seek out comfortable situations, while avoiding consistently hurtful people. 

No matter who those people are.

I teach her that you’re not a product of where you came from or how people treat you.

But you are absolutely a product of how hard you work and what you come to offer to the world.

I help her appreciate that she has choices too, and that one day she will understand the reasoning for many of mine.

I teach her that her mommy loves her and that no matter the chaos that ensues over a lifetime – mommy will never leave. 

So, when she asked me “who’s your mommy

?”, instead of saying what I wanted to say, I told her my mother’s name.

Because no matter how bad I feel inside about it, I know that I am stronger in my convictions because of it.

I will never do as I was taught.

I will never cheat my child from something as essential as a mother’s love – even while I continue to grieve for the love of my own.

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