5th Grade Camp

Our 5th grader went away for her very first overnight camp, and I wasn’t prepared for how much this would hit me.

Twenty-one days postpartum, still very much in the thick of healing, hormones, and figuring out life with a newborn… and now this quiet where she should be.

It’s her first night somewhere I didn’t carefully choose, with people I don’t know, in a place where I can’t peek in, ask questions, or make sure she’s okay in all the small ways mothers do without even thinking. And that lack of control is loud.

I texted the mom across the street if she was volunteering  and she said yes, and that she had a little struggle dropping her 5th grader off too. I asked if she could peek on my daughter, and she said yes and she did to see that…she seemed to be having fun.

I keep picturing her…brave, excited, probably laughing with friends and I’m so proud of her I could burst. And still, there’s this ache. This deep, familiar ache of motherhood that says, “stay small a little longer,” even while knowing she’s meant to grow.

She’s ready for this. I can see that clearly.
*I’m* the one learning how to be.

Tonight feels like a tiny preview of all the letting go that’s ahead. And maybe it’s hitting harder because everything in me right now is wired to hold my babies closer.

So I’m sitting in it. The pride. The worry. The quiet. The love that stretches across distance whether I like it or not.

She’s out there becoming a little more of herself.
And I’m here learning, again, how to let her.

But I know if I do it right, she will always come back to me.

-W.W🌼🌻