Healing

My mom and dad met at alcoholics anonymous. Not exactly a Cinderella story. But I survived.

Eventually, my dad died from the long-term side effects of a drug overdose. Or an actual overdose. There is a fine line between the truth and his truth. And honestly, I never want to know the difference.

Before I was 16, my mother became estranged from me and by the time I was 18, I was estranged from her.

Sometimes even when the world says the opposite, our life experiences will chain us to a life sentence.

When I was going to middle school there was a guidance counselor who always had her eyes on my family. Weekly visits to her office which I always thought was counterproductive since I was being pulled out of class.

But, when you’re in a bad situation you don’t always know it.

You can’t always see for yourself that the hand that feeds you sometimes doesn’t always have your best interest in my mind.

Or even, that the hand that feeds you is not the only way to survive.

When you’re from a broken home, you search hard in every nook and cranny for goodness. Almost hard-wired to be better. You hold tighter to nuances of hope wherever you can get them. You stitch them up in your soul so you can be the one to wrap goodness around everyone and everything that comes your way.

But putting a blanket over a problem doesn’t make a problem go away.

Not even one that’s stitched in goodness.

There’s so much to be said about getting the help that you need. So much humility in admitting that it takes more than years of being strong to survive.

There is just much more to living than just repeating techniques which we used to survive. 
There is love to be had, if only we let love in.

We can do better when we know better,
but we are not always taught to know better.
It is up to us to re-wire. To get better.

Healing is not forgetting where you have been. Healing is taking back the love that didn’t get in.

So much of who we are was decided for us, but it is up to us to choose differently.

You don’t just inherit the chains you are given.Eventually, you set yourself free.🌾

-Wallflower Writing

#vulnerableshare #ptsd #recovering #bekind #mystory #wallflower #healing #freedom